Previously on The O. C.:
I don't wanna talk, okay? I'm fine with this.
Zach, will you wait, please!
Beat it. Duckie!
I'd really like to try and be something.
I didn't marry you for money.
- Because you were pregnant. - I married you because I loved you.
If my dad is acting all weird, he's hiding something.
- You having an affair? - We're in deeper water.
- You think I'm cute. - When I asked you out for Seth...
- ... I wanted it to be me. - You are an idiot.
- An idiot you'd go out with sometime? - It's possible.
So Alex and I kissed, and you spent the whole night at the bus stop...
...talking to Lindsay.
- Somehow the double date worked out. - I'm proud of you.
What's next for you two lovebirds? Maybe chatting at the train station?
Whispering sweet nothings at the airport?
Ryan, I'm working out the bus stop motif, bro.
Yeah, I got it. I don't know what's next.
I'm just gonna take things slow. No pressure.
What about asking her to the big dance?
- Oh, no. The winter dance. - Yeah, do it.
I'll take Alex, so take Lindsay. We'll have the double date we should have had.
It seems a little soon. What if she's thought about it...
...and thinks we should just be lab partners? We just talked.
- Ryan Atwood, are you scared of a girl? - No, I just- I might like her and-
- Every time there's a big party- - Something goes terribly awry?
Yeah, but usually to you.
- It's my turn for that burden. - You're no fistfighting type.
You're not the type to be scared of a girl. Just ask her.
It's the only way to know how she feels.
Maybe I'll just go alone.
Coop, you cannot go alone.
Why not? It's just a school dance.
It is not just a school dance.
It is the SnO.C...
...the one night where winter comes to Newport Beach.
And your first dance of the year as social chair.
What happened to DJ?
I didn't ask him.
My mom's chairing the host committee. She'd freak.
- Your mom dislikes him? - She doesn't know about him.
It's not his type of thing anyway.
- Hi. - Guys, you still haven't bought...
...your SnO.C. tickets, so do you want four?
- I don't know. - You should take the missus.
Hey, Cohen, you should invite the girl from Saturday night. Yeah.
I forgot. She totally pulled a Houdini on your ass.
Right. You must be talking about Lindsay, not Alex, who I made out with.
Sorry. Alex. My mistake. And here I'm feeling sorry for the wrong girl.
- I should get to class. - Ensure she wears comfortable shoes...
...so she doesn't twist her ankle while running away.
Yeah? Like him?
Zach! Wait.
That worked out rather nicely.
Caleb, it's me. I still haven't heard from you about another meeting...
...with Renee Wheeler and her attorney.
So do me a favor and call me back, will you?
How about some eggs?
You okay?
Yeah. How about an omelet?
I know I shouldn't ask about the case-
Even if I could talk about it, I'd have nothing to tell you.
- My dad still not talking? - What could he have done...
...that he'd rather go to jail than admit to?
Unless life with Julie Cooper is tougher than we thought.
- What are you gonna do? - The only thing I can do.
I'll ask for a continuance, buy some time...
...and find out what he's hiding.
- Hey, how you doing? - Hey. Good. I'm good.
I thought about what you said all weekend...
...and you were so sweet and so honest.
I'm glad because there's this dance.
Yeah. Actually, I don't think so.
I mean, I would love to go out with you, but we're lab partners.
I mean, can you imagine how awkward it's gonna be if we break up?
- We haven't even gone out yet. - It's already awkward.
Let's face it, relationships almost always end badly...
...and this way, we can be friends for the rest of our lives.
- So you just wanna be friends? - I think we should be.
- Hello? - Hey. Is now a bad time?
- Where are you? - I'm in the parking lot.
You think you can get away for lunch?
I really like our lunch breaks.
So, what's the SnO.C.?
It's just this dance.
We never get snow here, so we kind of have to make it ourselves.
- Sounds like fun. - Actually, it's very Harbor.
- You'd probably hate it. - I guess it's a good thing...
- ... that no one's asked me then. - I would've.
It's just I'm kind of running it, so I figured-
You don't want to be distracted by having to finally introduce me...
...to your friends?
I'm sorry, but I figured I'd be so busy...
...I'd be a bad date. If you're-
It's cool.
I'd rather be alone with you anyway.
Well, we could go out afterward.
Or we could just stay in.
Marissa? Oh, my God.
- The yard guy? - Mom-
- What are you doing home from school? - I'm on my lunch break.
And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back.
- I gotta work. - No, you don't. You're fired.
And you, young lady, are grounded.
Like that's gonna keep me from seeing him. Come on, DJ.
You stay away from my daughter. You hear me?
Thanks, Michelle. Did my dad call?
- No. I've tried on his cell and at home. - Hey.
Hey. How'd it go with the judge?
Not only was my motion for continuance denied...
...but the trial has now been fast-tracked.
We've got less than two weeks. I'm calling Caleb again.
- How could I have not seen this coming? - Honey, come on. How could you have?
- Your call has been forwarded... - I've been working with him side-by-side.
How could I have not known he was bribing a woman on city council?
- If he did. - What'd she say at her deposition?
Nothing. Her lawyer wouldn't let her answer questions.
- You can't talk to her without a lawyer. - Well, I could.
- That would be unethical. - Yeah. Strictly speaking.
But desperate times... I'm just saying, if I happen to run into the woman...
I don't want you getting in trouble over this.
Oh, honey...
...it's a little late for that.
Hey, Ryan. You know where I can buy my SnO.C. tickets?
- Can't say I do. - You're not going?
- No. - No one to go with?
I had someone to go with. She just didn't wanna go with me.
- Are you going with Summer? - Definitely. It's a given, right?
Except, of course, for Cohen.
I don't think he's asking Summer.
I don't think he has to.
Even if he doesn't ask her...
...somehow the night's gonna end up about them.
I get that. Believe me. But I think it's really over.
- I mean, Seth has a new girl now. - Really?
- So he's over Summer? - Yeah. Definitely.
I think so.
He wants to be.
Hello, Alex. How are we today?
You're here finally. Can you carry these to the storeroom?
The storeroom. Sure.
Maybe you'd like to show me where it is?
- All right, Cohen, we need to work. - Okay. By "work" you mean "make out. "
No. By "work," I mean "work. "
All right. No romance in the workplace.
That's fine. I can respect that.
But in that case, Harbor School's annual SnO.C. ball is coming up.
What do you say? A little dancing, a little faux snow?
Obviously, you got the wrong idea Saturday night...
...because you and me, it's not happening.
Okay. Okay, except you did kind of kiss me.
It was fun.
It was fun? That's it? It didn't mean anything to you?
Dude, it was just a kiss.
Then why didn't you just shake hands?
Thanks, Homer. See you Thursday.
Thank you.
- You just kissed the beer guy. - So? It is just a kiss. Right, Mandy?
Right.
So Saturday night was fun, but that's all.
Those sodas aren't gonna carry themselves to the storeroom.
Do you think it's offensive to say that, like, all women are crazy?
- Probably to women. - It makes no sense.
Alex kisses me, then she turns around and kisses Homer.
- Who's Homer? - The beer guy.
And he's not a looker, either. Then she turns around...
- ... and kisses Mandy. - Mandy's a girl?
- Yeah. - Wow.
I couldn't even enjoy it, so consumed was I...
...with how crazy women are.
Believe me, I know.
I spent all night at a bus stop talking to Lindsay. Everything's great.
Next thing I know, she dumps me before we even go out.
- Crazy. - I know.
I know. I'm telling you, man...
...women are so freaking crazy, I wouldn't be surprised...
...if next time we see them, Alex drags me to the storeroom...
- ... and Lindsay asks you to the dance. - I don't think so.
Which part? You and Lindsay, or me and Alex getting it on?
- Hey. - Hey.
How are you? You need a hand?
- Sure. - All right.
Ryan, be a gentleman. I've got class.
What do you need me to grab?
- In my car is a penguin. - A penguin.
- Be careful. - Don't worry. I'm fine.
It's the penguin I'm worried about. He's expensive.
- Is he? Well... - What?
- Oh, no. - Ryan.
The penguin likes Marissa.
That's not funny.
It's not too late.
You can still ask him to the SnO.C.
You have no idea how hard it is to plan one of these events.
The man loves to dance.
But he's gonna think I'm crazy.
He knows you're a girl. He expects it.
I have your tickets for the dance, and no arguments, okay...
- ... because it's for charity. - If I buy them, do I have to go?
- I'm kind of dateless at the moment. - Yeah. Me too.
How about you and DJ? I thought you were-
We're hanging out...
...but it's a school dance, and I think he'd feel weird about it.
It's my school. I feel weird about it.
Yeah, me too, and I'm the one throwing it.
- Guess you can't not go, huh? - I wish. Both my parents are hosting.
Hey, you know what? Why don't we go together?
As friends, of course, but at least we wouldn't have to be alone.
- That's true. - Great. So 7 is good?
Hello, Summer. You look lovely today.
- Are those Manolos? - What do you need?
- Well, I need help. - No argument here.
See, it turns out Ryan's good for some things.
Comic books, bench-pressing, engine repair.
But sometimes...
...a more feminine point of view is required.
- You're asking me for girl advice. - I know it's weird because you and I...
...are not anymore. The thing is, Summer, truthfully...
...you are the only person in my life that I...
You're right. This is really weird and bad. I'm sorry.
- No, it's- - It's really- It's-
It's okay. I'm listening.
- Really? - Kind of.
Okay. All right. So you remember that girl from Saturday?
- The one I- - Made out with...
...and were rubbing my nose in it?
I thought, "She likes me," so I asked her to the dance-
- She said no. - Then she kissed two people...
- ... right in front of me. - Damn. She's good.
- At what, besides kissing, though? - Well, she's playing you hot and cold.
And so far, Cohen, you've just been hot.
- Summer. - Not that kind of hot.
You need to cool down, Cohen. You gotta go, like, Iceman on her ass.
- See how she likes it. - Was that an X-Men reference?
- Top Gun. - Top Gun. Hey.
That's one of the greatest love stories of our time.
An F-14.
Downward dog.
Ms. Wheeler! Sandy Cohen, Caleb's attorney.
- I can't talk to you without my attorney. - All due respect, you didn't say a word...
- ... when your attorney was present. - I had nothing to say. I'm not on trial.
Then why did the DA indict you too?
Ask my lawyer. You'll be hearing from him...
...as well as the Bar Association. Goodbye.
You're hiding something. We both know it.
Whatever is going on between you and Caleb-
- There is nothing going on between us. - Okay. Well, there was.
Wasn't there?
So you had an affair. So what? It's over.
Why not come forward?
Why risk both of you going to jail over nothing?
I have to go. I'll see you in court.
Hey.
So I've been thinking, and, well...
Yes.
I would love to go to the dance with you.
- You would? - Yes.
I'm kind of going with someone else now.
Yeah.
- With Marissa? - Yeah.
God. Of course.
- But only because you said- - No, no. I know.
And I was right the first time.
Really, I don't- I don't even like dances, so...
Have fun.
Hey. I missed you at lunch.
Yeah, I was in the library. I had to finish a history paper.
Library. God, how can you work in there?
It is, like, so quiet.
Look, I got World Lit, so I gotta go.
Well, hey, I was thinking maybe before the dance...
- ... we could, like- - Yeah. About that.
It turns out I'm not gonna be able to go.
I've got family stuff. Sorry.
Okay, well, unless you're, like, grieving over the death of a family pet...
...we're going to the SnO.C.
Why don't you just ask Cohen?
I'm sure he'd love to take you.
Hey, great. You're here.
The floors need sweeping and mopping.
I know how much you love cleaning bathrooms...
...so I saved them for you.
But you can start with clearing those empties.
Great. I'll get right on it.
Not very chatty today, are you?
I don't know. Is there something you wanted to talk about?
- No. Not really. - All right.
You know what?
There is something that I think we should discuss.
Here's the thing.
First of all, I love working here. I do.
But right now, for me, with school and homework...
...and this dance coming up...
...I don't know that I have time for a job.
- You're quitting? - Yeah.
Because I wouldn't make out with you in the storeroom?
What? No. Look, just- Come on.
Listen, I asked you to a dance, you said no.
I respect that, okay? I do.
I just- For me, I have...
...just a lot of obligations right now outside of the Bait Shop.
- So, you know... - Okay.
Okay.
This is what I owe you for the week, so...
Okay. Yeah. Well, you know.
It looks like it's all there.
- It's been really great working with- - You too.
You've been lovely, so...
- See you. - Yeah.
Take care.
Caleb, it's your lawyer leaving you yet another message.
Call me back, will you? I've had a breakthrough.
I was wondering what you wanted to do tonight.
- You okay? - Yeah, sure. Are the boys still here?
We should get some pictures before they head out to the big dance.
Come on. Off your ass. Come to the party.
Thanks, but I'd like to sit and watch my kung fu movie...
...if you don't mind.
Well, Marissa and I are only going as friends. We can all go together.
That's how lame I've become. I can't even be a third wheel...
...to an actual relationship.
Look at you. You look sharp.
So you taking that girl Seth told me about?
- No, it didn't really work out. - Seth. Why aren't you dressed?
- Yeah. You'll be late for the party. - Not the Seth Cohen pity party.
Could you take this discussion elsewhere?
Sammo Hung is about to face off with his arch nemesis.
It's kind of a big deal.
You know, I kind of feel like kicking back...
- ... with a good movie. - Me too.
No.
So, what are we watching?
Masters of Martial Arts.
This is Masters of Martial Arts? I hear this is wonderful.
- Why is that ninja smoking a cigarette? - Honey, honey.
I don't actually think that's a ninja. Ninjas usually wear capes. Right?
So a ninja's like a superhero.
Mom, Dad, you two enjoy.
- Ryan, give me five minutes. - Where you going? Come on back.
- Nice work. - Never underestimate a parent's ability...
...to mortify his child.
So no SnO.C. for DJ?
With my mom and dad hosting? He'll just pick me up after.
Then maybe Zach will show, and we can all go out.
I don't care if Zach shows.
In fact, honestly, I would rather go by myself.
Oh, really?
- You would? - No.
Good. Because you're going with me and Ryan.
Great. Now I'm gonna be dragged along like the homely cousin from Iowa.
Well, you know, at least I won't have to deal with Cohen knowing...
...I'm going alone.
- Oh, God. - Hello, Summer.
Where's Zach?
- So just like old times, huh? - Seriously, man.
Four people, and not one of us could get a real date.
I guess we'll win the award for biggest losers in Newport Beach.
You must win that award a lot.
I'm sorry. Is Zach in here? Is he hiding somewhere?
- Zach? Zachary? - Okay.
At least he didn't kiss two people right in front of me.
- Who did that? - Seth's girlfriend.
Sorry, that's right. She dumped you.
- She kissed two guys in front of you? - I think it was a guy and a girl.
- What? - Thanks for that, buddy.
Wait, she kissed another girl? You didn't tell me that.
A gentleman never tells when his girl kisses a girl and a guy.
It does kind of feel like old times.
- Oh, my God, Coop. - Is it okay?
Okay? It's beautiful.
- Can't believe you did all this. - Reminds me of when Mr. Freeze...
...attacked the Gotham Society Ball, which is a compliment.
Well, I'm just glad people showed up. And they're actually dancing.
- You don't wanna...? - Dance?
Sure. Why not?
I'll see you later.
Don't even think about it.
How bad do you wish DJ were here right now?
It's okay.
Just, if it's not too weird, don't stand so far away.
It looks like we're in the fifth grade.
Right.
Jimmy, look. See?
Yeah. She looks beautiful.
Yes, but more importantly, she's with Ryan who, right now, let's face it...
...looks like Prince Charming.
- So you're happy? - So happy.
Thank you for coming.
- Jimmy. - Oh, hey.
Hi.
Dad. Sandy didn't tell me you were coming over.
He said he had something that could save my hide.
Clearly, he didn't share it with you.
No, he actually respects things like attorney-client privilege.
Yeah. I said, "Call me," not, "Come over. "
I was in the neighborhood.
So, what do you got?
What is this miraculous development?
I spoke with Renee Wheeler today. I know about the affair.
- What? - Relax. She didn't give you up.
- Why didn't you tell me? - The details of my personal life...
...don't affect this case.
Yes, they do. The DA thinks you've been paying her off...
- ... to get building permits. - The DA's an idiot.
Even if you were having an affair with this woman...
...16 years is an awfully long time to be paying someone palimony.
Unless there was a child.
- That is the most preposterous- - Caleb, was there a child?
We were together just a few months.
Renee came to me, said she was pregnant.
I set up a trust.
It was a long time ago, Sandy.
I made a mistake.
Well, when you make a mistake...
...you really make a mistake.
First thing Monday, you and Renee go to the judge.
- Tell him everything. - I can't do that.
You're both looking at jail time.
I'm sorry, Sandy. I can't.
Hey, this is KHHS, the Harbor School radio station...
...coming to you live from the SnO. C. winter dance.
This song is for all you lonely hearts out there.
Fine. But no talking.
Ryan. Hi.
- You look so handsome. - Thanks.
I know that we've had our differences in the past...
...but with you and Marissa back together-
You know, with you gone this summer...
...she got a little bit out of control.
But with the both of us looking out for her-
Hi, sweetie. We were just talking about you.
Well, we don't wanna keep you from your hosting duties.
Okay.
- She told you you were handsome? - Yeah.
A year ago, she wanted to have me committed because I was dating you.
Now somehow you've managed to find someone she hates even more.
I know. Can you imagine what she would've done if I'd brought DJ?
Kind of. Which is why I'm surprised you didn't.
You usually don't pass up a chance to ruin your mom's night.
Yeah, but why put DJ through that? I just told him to come after.
So it's not because you're embarrassed?
I already told you.
The winter ball, it's not his type of thing.
Did he decide that, or did you?
I figure we're probably the same size.
Thanks.
Hey.
Are you sure you're gonna be okay?
Yeah. Actually, there's something I have to do.
Can I talk yet? I just was curious...
...why Zach isn't here.
Because... He was jealous, I guess.
He was jealous? Of what?
Of my good looks and charm?
Of my modesty?
Of your big mouth.
- He saw us talking. - When?
In the hallway.
- In the lounge. - Yeah.
Before, during and after school.
- I mean, we were just talking. - I know.
Hey, guys.
Zach! You came.
Yeah. I thought you might still need a date.
- Stupid, huh? - Zach, it's really not like that.
Yeah, it is. And I get it. You're just one of those couples.
Even when you're not a couple, you'll always be a couple.
You're Joanie and Chachi, Luke and Leia.
Luke and Leia were brother and sister.
Yeah, well, may the Force be with you.
Hey, so...
...I was just in the neighborhood.
It- It's Freud. I have slippers with Freud on them.
They're my Freudian slippers.
So, what are you doing here?
I just wanted to tell you...
...that I should've gone to the dance with you.
I wanted to go with you.
- That's why you're here? - I was hoping we could, you know...
...do something. Hang out.
No. I'm sorry.
- Okay. What about tomorrow night? - Ryan, this just isn't gonna work.
Why not?
- Because you're... You're you. - What does that mean?
I mean, you're this tough kid from Chino...
...who lives in some rich family's pool house...
...with an ex-girlfriend who's maybe the most intimidatingly beautiful girl...
- ... in the history of high school. - Yeah, but right now I'm here with you.
And I will see you at school, in the hallway, in class, and...
I'm not giving up.
Because I like you.
Who knows why.
But I think that if you got to know me, you'd like me too.
So good night.
Hello, Renee.
Thank you for agreeing to meet me here.
What's this all about, Caleb?
I understand you had a run-in with my son-in-law.
- He came to see me, but I said nothing. - I know, and I appreciate that.
This must be tough on you.
We just have to get through the next few weeks.
Then what? And then you go to jail?
You really willing to do that to protect this secret?
It's not the secret I'm trying to protect. It's my family.
- This would devastate my daughter. - And what about mine?
Ours.
I could arrange for you both to leave the country.
Not permanently. Just until this blows over.
What are you gonna do?
I don't know anymore.
- Pretty quiet around here. - Yes, all the kiddies...
...are at their various winter dances.
A Yoo-hoo, please. One.
You were at The Killers show here, right?
I go to a lot of shows here because I work here.
No, yeah. You were here with Ryan.
Yeah, at the time. Why? You go to Harbor?
Why aren't you at the SnO.C. winter wank-off?
It's complicated.
Or not.
The girl I like is in love with another guy and probably always will be.
Right now your girl is at the dance with the other guy...
...and you're here.
If she didn't love you before, this display of courage and dedication...
...should definitely do the trick.
I'm sensing a low level of sarcasm here.
- What am I supposed to do? - Be a man.
Put down your chocolate soda and fight for her.
I'm not much of a fighter. I know I look big. I just have broad shoulders.
No. What I mean is that she can't fall for you if you're not there to catch her.
You're right. At least threaten to fight for her.
And even if it turned into an actual fight, I could take Seth Cohen.
Thanks.
Did he just say Seth Cohen?
- Look. That's our gardener. - Oh, God.
- No, you don't. - Jimmy!
- Let go. - Come on. Come with me.
- Jimmy, I have to- - What? Embarrass Marissa?
When we were kids, no one could keep us apart.
First of all, it is not the same. Second, am I the gardener in this scenario? No.
My parents threatened to cut me off if I didn't break up with you.
- You never told me that. - I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
- And what did you tell them? - To go to hell.
I told them I was in love with you.
I was.
Well, I was easy to love back then.
I was beautiful and much nicer.
Jules, come on. You're still beautiful.
And we both know you were never nice.
We said that we were gonna stay away from each other.
Yeah, except Ryan left with the car.
I have to wait for DJ and Marissa to finish making out, so...
We've done really well for ourselves.
- Very impressive. - Yeah. Nice going.
Right back at you.
Zach!
Hey, man. You came back.
Listen, I wanted-
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
Oh, my goodness.
- You hit him? - I know. I don't know what happened.
- I never hit anybody before. - You'd never know it.
I'm so sorry.
- I probably deserved it. - Seth?
- Alex? - Alex?
- Alex. - What are you doing here?
I felt responsible for you.
I can take it from here.
Yeah, I- I guess you can.
Come on, Zach. See you guys.
Sorry, Cohen.
Come on. We have a first-aid kit back at the club.
- In the storeroom, perhaps? - Do you wanna get hit again?
- Here. - Thanks.
Look, I'm really sorry.
It's just, every time I turn around, it's you and Cohen.
I know. I'm sorry...
...but he's not my boyfriend.
He's not. He's just...
He's Cohen.
So, what am I?
Well, you were my boyfriend...
...until you decided not to take me to the dance.
So can I ask you a question?
Will you go to the dance with me?
Let me think about it.
- You sure you're okay? - I'm fine.
It's just a shame you got there when you did...
...because I was about ready to, you know, bring the hurt.
- Really? - Yeah, yeah. You bet.
I'd like to see that.
Yeah? A little bit of... A little bit of that?
No. What are those?
- These? These are fists, okay? - Oh, God.
Or, as I like to call them, the twin ambassadors of pain.
Come here. Stand up.
- You're touching the twin ambassadors. - Hold them like this.
Like this. Okay? Okay.
- Okay. - What are you doing?
- I'm teaching you to defend yourself. - Why? Against who? You?
Please. This is really fun.
- All right. - Defend yourself.
I don't know how.
- I'm sorry. Oh, my God. - God, my eye.
- I think you scratched my cornea. - No! No way.
- It's blurry. - Hands down. Let me see.
- It's blurry. - What are you talking about? It's fine.
Then why does it hurt?
There. Is that better?
A little. A little bit.
Did I get you anywhere else?
You kind of nicked me right there a little bit.
Come in.
After you left, I tried to read.
I do this thing where I put a red dot at the bottom of the page...
...to see how efficiently I'm reading.
Sometimes I have to read a page over, so there'll be two or three red dots.
Well, after you left...
...I made 11 red dots at the bottom of the page.
- Eleven. - Lindsay.
I'm talking too much, as usual.
I'm sorry. I- I just-
I get nervous, and I start talking, and then nothing can shut me up.
Except that, I guess.
I know something we can do that doesn't involve a lot of talking.
- All right, throw the grenade. Throw it. - Wait, wait, wait!
Wait. What happened to my head?
It rolled under the truck.
That's not good.
So this is hanging out, huh?
Yeah.
- Ms. Wheeler. - Sorry to come by so late.
Who is it, Sandy?
Is everything okay?
- I'm Kirsten Cohen. - Renee Wheeler. Hi.
Renee is a witness in your father's case.
Let's go out back where we can talk.
We won't be long.
I shouldn't talk to you. If anyone finds out-
They won't. You have my word.
I just need to know, what has Caleb told you?
I know everything, without any help from Caleb...
...which is why I need you. If you came forward to the judge...
...with the right documentation, the charges would be dropped.
The case would go away.
Mom.
What are you doing here?